Home sick

Friday, November 27, 2009

I'll have to admit that I am not a "family" guy. After 2 years studying in KL, I have never missed home. Perhaps this is due to the fact that Penang is just approximately 365km away from KL and I know that I am able to board a bus back whenever I want. As a son, I do call back home everyday, making sure everything and everbody is doing fine at home. Although it is just a short call, but It was sufficient, at least I know I am playing my role, as an integral part of the family, as well as the eldest son of the family. I am not sure whether It is really enough, but perhaps It is true that the time we spend with our family is never truly enough.

I have been in the land of down under for nearly a week. Strangely during this period of time, I felt terribly home sick, exaggerated particularly when I come back home from work. The house is awfully quiet with all the housemates in their respective rooms. I felt truly isolated, detached from human touch. This is the reason why I look forward to work everyday, at least I could talk to somebody in the lab. Facing the four walls in my room, I started to look for people to chat online, I become so emotional that I requested for my brother and parents to come online more frequently.

Why is this happening? I've never been so home sick before. There are moments that I ponder, why the heck I am doing here when I could have instead spend 2 months of quality time with my family. Perhaps it is true, this is a trade off, losing one quality of something for gaining another aspect. I am not entirely sure whether I"ve comprehended fully the upside and downside of this decision that I've made. But I know, no matter what, I need to complete what I've started with.

In the school of medicine, there are lecturers, clinicians, surgens who got married very late in their life due to overwhelming commitments towards their career. Some even remain single until now. Dinner session with Wei Men and Rachel yesterday gave me a big slap on my face, forcing me to realise that there are so much more to life than academics. Relationsip, family and friendship for example. Dude, I'll have to admit that I am so envious of you two.

I looked at my surrounding when both of them went to grab some food. I saw a few couples and families few tables away happily enjoying their meal, spending precious family time toghether. I was alone at the table, waiting for both of them to come back. I opened my backpack to get my bottle of water and heck what I saw is my edition of "Nature's review of Endocrinology and Metabolism", one of the journal that has the highest impact factor in the scientific world. I stopped for a while, so disgusted by myself.

Strolling along Yarra River at night with both of them made the feeling more overwhelming. The night scenery was exeptionally breathtaking. Couples are sitting beside the river, looking at the high rise building of Melbourne city, spending romantic time together. I tried to maintain my composure when both of them are around. Again, I would like to thank them for the scrumptious dinner and also for being such an accomodationg host.

Just like in Diabetes Mellitus where glycemia is a balance between insulin secretion and action. I guess my life is placed on a balance between career and human relationship. Is it terrible to come to a realisation now that somehow there are flaws in my life? After 2 years of struggle through medical school.


Jasmine said...

it is never too late to realize what is important in life and what is not......can't blame yourself putting little attention on family, friends and relationship before this as at those moments, you never thought that those stuff where important...

as a doctor next time...i personally think it would need great effort to be able to pull it together...putting everything, every bits and pieces into a rightful balance...

hope you could find a way to sort yours out as i am trying to fit my into my balance too.