My first post- Surgery and Me

It has been a while since I blog. The last post was 5 months ago if I am not mistaken. Life has been very rewarding for me during this transition period, practically living with medicine from day to night while trying to clear up all the mess in my life and to find a new direction and meaning in life.

I don't need sex, medicine is my orgasm. When I turn around and look at all time that passed by me without even me noticing, I know that I missed out a lot of interesting stuffs in my life due to the fact that I spend most of the time with books, atlases, notes, somehow trying to stuff the vast amount of knowledge into my tiny little brain. I have a limited social circle. I no longer hold 3 presidentships like I used to be in high school. I am no longer the president of SOSAM, like i used to be in Inti College. I am just an ordinary emanciated guy here in the university trying his best, with his utmost ability just to make sure that he is competent and is ready to be in the first line of health care one day.

Life has been too routine for me, hmmm, I guess.

I was told by Dr Kelvin that " There are a lot of interesting stuffs in life other than medicine. Get a life". I start to ponder whether all the sacrifices that I have made is worthwhile. From the moment that I am keen that I would want to devote my life to serve the humanity, I know that my life is going to be different from others. Yet, I am rambling and ranting, complaining about my life. Frankly speaking, I do not know what I want.

Been really into surgery since the first semester and I managed to attend a few surgeries involving MVA ( Motor Vehicle Accident) such as mandibular fractures in Gleneagles Intan under the supervision of Dr Kelvin. Somehow in the OT, I can feel my the adrenaline pumping, the scent of the operating theater seems to stimulate my olfactory receptors. Looking at the surgeons working meticulously, surgical nurses assisting, I somehow feel that I belong to the group. I truly feel that this is my calling.

"10 blade scalpel, retractor, suction", looking at how the surgeon works amazes me. From the first incision to the last suture, every movement is done with the highest level of confidence. Even as first year medical student, I know that there is no room for errors. Even the slightest mistake the surgeon makes could jeopardise the patient's health. Every nerves should be avoided. Every incision should be precise. Somehow the surgeons have this quality that attracts me.

"Sometimes wrong, but never in doubt". This shows how confident they are when they are holding the scalpel and lives are at stake. However, fallibility is unevitable and medicolegal issues are common.

You can say that as a first year medical student, it is rather ambitious and not down to earth to be so sure that you are going to end up in a particular field. However, I see it as a motivation, for me to strive for exellence. I am truly blessed as I am given a chance to study medicine. Although the journey is long and I could not see the end of it. I can assure you that this is a journey with a lot to lose, life time learning, commitments and devotion.

Passing medical school is easy. But making yourself a competent medical practitioner requires more than just academic qualifications. Year 1 is coming to an end soon, and I am going to be officially a 20% doctor. Hopefully, I am able to note down all the interesting events that I go through along the journey, provided I am not suffocated by the never ending work load.

As what i said in my previous blog,

This is my story and I promise I wont leave anything out.